Study Makes Ridiculous Claim That If You Own An iPhone You’re Probably Rich

Apple iPhone
If Hasbro had any sense, it would an iPhone game piece to the board game Monopoly, and dip it in gold so that it stands out among the others. After all, owning an iPhone is top indicator of wealth, right? Right!? Hey, don't shoot the messenger, we're just passing along what the National Bureau of Economic Research and University of Chicago came up with in a new study.

"Knowing whether someone owns an iPad in 2016 allows us to guess correctly whether the person is in the top or bottom income quartile 69 percent of the time," the study states. "Across all years in our data, no individual brand is as predictive of being high-income as owning an Apple iPhone in 2016."

If you want some context for this kind of study, in 1992, owning a jar of mustard was the best telltale sign that you might be wealthy, according to the same research. Oh, not just any mustard, mind you, but Grey Poupon Dijon. You know, the kind of mustard that rich people ask to borrow while being chauffeured around the countryside? Now it all makes sense.

These days, it's all about owning an iPhone if you want to flaunt your wealth, followed by owning an iPad. Interestingly, owning an Android phone is not terribly far behind, at 59.5 percent. Other indicators include owning a Samsung TV (58 percent), using a Ziploc bag (57.5 percent), and having a car with Bluetooth connectivity (70.2 percent).

The indicators seem to be all over the place. For example, if you own a dishwasher (69.1 percent) and/or use dishwasher detergent (79.3 percent), you might be rolling in the dough. Same goes for anyone who has ever ordered an item online (67.4 percent).

Back in the 1990s, owning an dishwasher was the overwhelming highest potential indicator at 71.4 percent, sitting atop the product category (Grey Poupon Dijon topped the brand category). Buying Kodak film (61.6 percent) and owning an answering machine (65.3 percent) were also high on the list.

It sounds like a bunch of nonsense to us. Now if you'll excuse us, we have to summon a private helicopter from our iPhone, we're out of Grey Poupon.