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OK Neil, you put way to much thought into it :P What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. I never have had to worry about the wee one, or a hell-no face :) But there are others out there who need to obtain things like Bentley's or Rolex's in order to attract others in...
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"Never, ever go to sleep under a Clydesdale with the hiccups?" NO.....Never go to sleep under a Clydesdale with "the Trots"! For those? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=the%20trots