In the old days -- you know, before social
media and ubiquitous mobile
phone access -- if you wanted to end a relationship with someone, you'd do it in person, take your lumps in the form of a verbal lashing, and move on as friends or bitter enemies. Even though newfound freedom was yours for the taking, the process of breaking up wasn't something you looked forward to.
These days, there's an app for that. Sure, you could always text a breakup letter to your significant other or change your Facebook status to "Single" to deliver the hint, but with Breakup Text, a $0.99 app available in Apple's
App Store, you can send the perfect message to get your point across. Or at least get a good laugh.
I dropped the requisite buck on the app to give it a whirl and went through the process of breaking up (well, as far as the app is concerned). Here's what it said:
"Hi Tammy, there's plenty of fish in the sea, huh? I know it's a cliche but there's truth in it. You never know who is coming up around the bend. See, after the last time we met up, I ran into my college professor. She was my favorite, just the smartest woman you've ever heard talk about the history of the French revolution. Anyways, it turns out she recently divorced, her husband left her for a library sciences professor. Long story short, we're in love. I know it seems sudden but life is sudden like that, you know? Anyways, best of luck finding your fish."
Easy-cheesy, right? Once the app generates the breakup text, all you have to do is work up the courage to click the Send button and you're single again! And if the above text isn't quite what you're looking for, just start over. Perhaps having been eaten by a bear would be more believable, and if so, that's certainly an option.
The downside to the app is that there aren't a ton of breakup messages, so if you go through partners at a rapid pace, you'll quickly exhaust its available library of texts. Of course, there's nothing stopping you from using the same text for multiple people, but where's the fun in that?